As the Government of Pakistan is applying charges to everything we own and perform, being a citizen of Pakistan; I, availing my right to speech, propose the following law: “An Act to utilize the people of Pakistan with their craving towards the use of Facebook.” Be it enacted as follows:
1. Short title, degree and outset
(1) The Act may be cited as the Pakistan Facebook Act, 2016.
(2) It is applicable for the entire nation.
(3) It will come into force right away.
2. Definitions – In this Act
(a) “Act” means the Pakistan Facebook Act, 2016.
(b) “People” means the people of Pakistan, and includes the foreign residents and visitors to Pakistan.
(c) “Authority” means the Pakistan Facebook Authority.
(d) “Morality” means nothing at all.
The government of Pakistan will constitute an authority for the Facebook users and have access to all the information on their social profiles. The authority will charge the users as it deems necessary.
4. Constitution of the Authority – The authority will consist of the following members
(i) The Chairman: The person appointed as a chairman shall not have a record of getting at least twenty people divorced in his lifetime and not less than five in the past two years.
(ii) Three Members: Each member should be a stalker and should have at least five fake accounts with the names like ‘Mama ki Jan’, ‘Shonu Gurya’, ‘Papa ki Doll’, or ‘Cute Princess’. However, it is made clear that the account names like ‘Feeka Kasuri’, ‘Gilli Kurti’, ‘Wehshi Larki’, or ‘Saleem Zakhmi’ shall not be admissible.
(iii) Registrar: There shall be a registrar of the authority who should be of an age no less than seventy years and shall do nothing.
5. The area of Charging
For every sign-in, each user will be charged with an amount of Rs. 500/-, Rs. 300/- per page like, Rs. 200/- per status update, Rs. 178/- per profile preview, Rs. 143/- per status like, and Rs. 100/- per blink of the eye while using the social media site. Whereas, anyone deleting his account will be charged with a fine of Rs. 100,000/-.
6. Boundary of the Authority
The concerned authority will make arrangements in order to make Facebook more addictive, and promote its use by a large number. Therefore, for this purpose, free wifi will be arranged on public places. Furthermore, morality will be ensured on Facebook as mentioned above in section 2(d) of this act.
7. Final decision of the Authority
All decisions taken by the authority will be final and no one will appeal against it. If someone is not satisfied with the decisions of the authority then he may kindly “get lost”.
P.S. I’m just kidding, please don’t sue me.
Sources: Daily Pakistan